LA01 Dear Diary
by ccmal
Summary: Laura's diary entries from when she meets Almanzo until they marry. First stand alone Laura & Almanzo story


**Dear Diary**

LHOP inspired fan fiction by Cheryl C. Malandrinos

Disclaimer: I do not own the Little House on the Prairie television series, book series, or any of the characters.

September 3, 1882

I met the most amazing man today. His name is Almanzo Wilder. He has wavy blond hair that pokes out of his big, round hat. His eyes are as blue as the Pacific Ocean. I remember the way the deep blue water crashed into the shore making frothy white bubbles as Albert, Pa, Dylan and I stood on the beach that day. The water was all around us. I got that same feeling today as I looked into Almanzo's eyes. I couldn't breathe because of that feeling of water all around me, like I was drowning.

He must be tall because Miss Wilder, his sister, is very tall and he's bigger than she is. From the look of his arms and shoulders he must have grown up on a farm. I wonder if he's as strong as Pa.

I got so embarrassed when I accidentally called him Manly instead of Mannie. Miss Wilder and Almanzo laughed. Luckily they left right away. I wanted to crawl in a hole and die.

I hope I dream of Almanzo all night long!

September 4, 1882

The new school year is starting off great. I ran into Almanzo today. I apologized for messing up his name and he told me I could call him "Manly". He calls me Beth, a woman's nickname. I don't think Pa likes it very much, but I do. I wonder what Pa would think of Laura Ingalls Wilder. No, I don't. I know he wouldn't like that.

September 5, 1882

That horrible Nellie Oleson. She likes Almanzo! I bet she only likes him because he's so nice to me. But that doesn't matter because Nellie always gets what she wants…especially when her mother helps out.

Mrs. Oleson asked Almanzo to join Nellie for supper on Sunday and he said yes, even though he didn't really want to.

I hate Nellie Oleson!

September 7, 1882

I got Nellie real good. Nellie and her mother can't cook, so I offered to make cinnamon chicken for Almanzo. I didn't think Ma would let me, seeing as it is the Lord's Day, but she did. And when Nellie took a bite out of that chicken she got a mouthful of hot and spicy as all that cayenne pepper I used stung her tongue. I can just imagine how her eyes must have watered. It was probably one of the few times Nellie couldn't talk.

Too bad Manly took a bite too. But it was worth it to get Nellie.

September 9, 1882

I can't believe how wonderful Manly is. Ma made me apologize to him for the cinnamon chicken thing at Nellie's. He wasn't even mad. He told me he wanted to get home early anyway.

September 11, 1882

Nellie Oleson is such a toad face. I want to take my final year's exam, but Pa said we couldn't afford the final year's books. The only person in town who has taken the final exam is Nellie.

She made me beg to borrow them. Me--Laura Ingalls. I've never been so humiliated in my whole life.

I hate Nellie Oleson!

September 25, 1882

I can't see what I'm writing because the tears make my words all blurry. I'm going to get Nellie back for this, I swear. Oh gosh, I take that back, Pa says we can't swear.

Nellie lied to me! I can't imagine why I was stupid enough to believe her, but I did and I failed at my one chance to make Pa and Almanzo see me as a woman. If only I had passed my final exam, then I could have taken the teacher's exam and proved to them I'm not a little girl.

But I whooped Nellie good today. I dragged her into that mud hole and pounded her with all my might. Almanzo came by and broke up the fight. I could have been thrilled to have his arms around me if I wasn't furious with Nellie.

He took me away in his buckboard and I got all cleaned up at his place. We talked a while and I was just starting to feel better when Pa came barging in and punched Almanzo. Nellie told Pa she had seen Almanzo kissing me. After I explained it was for luck on my test, Pa felt sorry and then both of them started calling me a little girl.

I screamed at them and stormed out. I can't believe they can't see I'm a woman. Thankfully Ma understands.

Pa and I talked it out later and we went fishing. I guess I'll always be Half-pint to Pa. But I can't face Almanzo in town tomorrow. What will he think of me now? I think I'll just cry myself to sleep.

October 28, 1882

That snippy Christie, how could Almanzo be courting her? I mean, she's so…so…snippy. I can't believe Almanzo is taking her to the circus. The first exciting thing to happen in Walnut Grove since we moved back from Winoka and it has to be ruined because Almanzo is going with her.

November 2, 1882

The circus was wonderful! I didn't think it could be while watching Christie hang on Almanzo's arm, but with London's help I had lots of fun.

Christie had asked me to make her a new dress. If I had known she wanted it so she could look nice for Almanzo I never would have said yes.

Ma should have been angry with me over what I did, but I guess she understands what a woman in love is willing to do. I don't think Ma likes the way Christie shoves her nose up in the air around us. But anyway, I never sewed the skirt to the bodice of Christie's dress. I couldn't believe London agreed to my plan. Of course, I told him it was a practical joke on a friend.

I dressed up as a clown and chased London, who was also dressed as a clown, through the crowd with a bucket filled with confetti. Except, when I ran in front of Christie the bucket was full of water. A soaking wet Christie stood up and I pulled the skirt away from her bodice. Christie stomped off in her bloomers. It was so funny and everyone laughed. Serves her right for being so mean to me all those years.

As I stood there laughing, the strangest feeling came over me. I wondered what it would be like to kiss Almanzo. So I did. Right on the lips. I kissed him! Butterflies bounced around in my stomach and my heart pounded so hard that I thought it would burst through my chest. I told Manly I loved him.

I never could have done that if he knew it were me. Oh, but I wish he did know, and maybe he would say he loved me too. I know he would if he gave me the chance. Almanzo, please love me!

September 25, 1883

Could life get any worse? Almanzo and Miss Wilder are moving away. That stupid Bart Slater, I wish I could punch him in the stomach. He won't behave in school and the school board won't help because Mrs. Oleson says Mr. Slater gives the town a lot of money. Why is it always about money? Don't people matter?

I think Miss Wilder is afraid of Bart. She never smiles any more and she jumps whenever he drops his book on the floor. I wish Almanzo didn't have to go too. I'm miserable. I think I'll go down to my fishing hole and have a good cry.

October 3, 1883

We did it! The school kids got Bart Slater to apologize to Miss Wilder and agree to behave so that Miss Wilder can stay. I'm so happy Almanzo is staying in Walnut Grove!

November 1, 1883

Almanzo's younger brother, Perley Day has come to town. Pa really likes him. He's okay I guess, but he's not Manly. Perley Day has traveled a lot of places. I bet that's why Pa likes talking to him. I know Pa wanted to keep moving west. Ma says he's got itchy feet. But I'm glad we stayed in Walnut Grove. I sure don't want to leave now that Manly is here.

He's not courting Sarah anymore. Manly sure seems fickle. He never courts a woman for very long. And he chooses women who don't know the first thing about farming. None of them would make a good farmer's wife. But I know what it's like to be a farmer's wife. I've watched Ma my whole life and we've pulled together lots of times to take care of the farm while Pa was away working.

And there's something about Perley Day. I'm not sure what it is, but I'm not sure I trust him.

November 7, 1883

There's going to be a big celebration in town. There will be lots of great food, contests, and a horse race. Manly was going to enter Barnum, but he says Perley Day ruined him for that. I haven't seen Almanzo so angry since Bart Slater caused trouble at school.

Albert is going to enter the greased pig competition and Pa and Almanzo are entering the arm wrestling competition. What happens if Pa ends up wrestling Manly? I don't know who's stronger, but I bet Almanzo is. Who am I going to root for?

November 15, 1883

He said it! I don't think I was supposed to hear him, but he said it. Manly told Pa I am a grown up young lady. Up until now, the day had been a mix of excitement and tragedy. Albert won the greased pig contest, but that stuck up Penelope screamed at him when he accidentally dropped the pig on her dress. I never understood why Albert kept being so nice to her when she treated him so badly.

Pa and Almanzo squared off against each other in the arm wrestling competition. Pa gave me a nasty look when he heard me rooting for Manly. I really thought Manly was going to win. I can't imagine what it would be like at our house if Almanzo won, but we'll never know what would have happened because that stupid Perley Day raced Barnum and Almanzo ran off in the middle of the arm wrestling match to catch up with him. Thank God he did, because Barnum might be crippled now.

Pa and Manly are in the barn placing cold packs over Barnum's swollen leg. I brought out some hot coffee to them and on my way back to the house is when Manly told Pa I was a grown up young lady. I'm so excited! Maybe this means he's finally starting to see me as the woman I am.

November 16, 1883

Today has been the best day! Barnum is going to be fine and Manly is so happy. I'm happy too…thrilled is more like it. As soon as Manly found out, he ran to me and hugged me. I think he even kissed the top of my head. I can't be too sure because I was too excited surrounded by his arms. I could feel the muscles underneath the fabric of his shirt; the way he held me was strong, but gentle; I could smell the hay mixed with his sweat as my head lay against his chest. I've never been so close to Manly before. It was different and strange to feel him like that. I can't describe it, but my stomach flipped with excitement.

And then I got to make breakfast for everyone. Almanzo stayed too. The funny thing is when he came into the kitchen to wash up, I didn't know what to say to him. We never had any trouble talking before, but I couldn't think of anything to say. I kept replaying the moment he hugged me over and over again in my mind as I gazed at his reflection in the mirror.

He looked into the mirror once and caught me staring at him. I turned quickly away and flipped over the eggs in the pan. A few seconds later, Manly stood behind me, real close, looking over my head as he dried his hands on the towel--just like Pa does to Ma sometimes.

"Smells good," he said and I think I thanked him. I was occupied trying to slow down my thumping heart. Then Pa and Ma came in and Manly sat down in the other room. Albert came down from the loft and Carrie appeared with Grace, so we weren't alone after that.

Almanzo stayed only until breakfast was over and then he headed home so his sister would know everything was okay. I walked him out and we talked for a few minutes while Manly hitched up one of Pa's horses to his buggy. Barnum is going to stay with us until tomorrow to rest his leg. Manly was quieter than normal and his hands shook when he held his hat and said goodbye. I can still smell his shirt if I close my eyes. I wonder why he hugged me. Actually, I don't care why he hugged me; I just hope it means something.

January 24, 1884

I'm a teacher! I can't believe it! I'm finally a teacher. And I've got my first teaching job. I leave for Curry on Sunday. Manly is going to drive me. I'm so nervous. We haven't seen too much of each other since he picked up Barnum and things aren't quite the same between us. He isn't usually on the platform of the Feed & Seed when I come into town for school and the few times I stopped by his house to see Miss Wilder he was busy in the barn and only waved at me.

I wonder if he really wants to drive me to Curry or if he is doing it as a favor to his sister. No, Miss Wilder said he would be delighted; I must be imagining things. Besides, I'm a teacher, I've got a job, and Manly is driving me back and forth. How can things get any better?

January 26, 1884

I'm leaving home today. I've never been away from home without Ma and Pa. I'm excited and scared all at the same time. I wonder if Mary felt the same way when she took her first teaching job. What if Miss Trimble doesn't like me? And worse, what if the students don't like me or if they won't listen to me? Will I be a good teacher? What if I'm a miserable failure and Mr. Williams sends me home? Did I pack everything? I don't want to waste any of the advance I got.

Ma just called up the ladder. I best get downstairs and make sure I'm ready when Almanzo comes.

January 26, 1884

This is my first night in Curry. I figured I better sit down and write my thoughts here because I will probably be too busy after that. Miss Trimble, I mean Minnie, is wonderful! She's happy and pleasant and smokes a pipe. She told me all about the children and their progress. She warned me that I would be hard pressed to get Chad Brewster to do any work.

There's a little bit of bad news. I thought for a few minutes that my new hairstyle and longer dress might make Almanzo see me as a woman, but all he could say was that it was "real nice" and that it didn't make me look mature at all. How can he say that? I've changed, really changed, just in the few days since I got my teaching certificate. Even Pa thinks so.

But I can't think about all that right now. I have to get ready for my first day of school.

February 1, 1884

I love life! Everything is so exciting! My first week of school went wonderfully. Mr. Williams was very happy when he stopped by to see how things were going and Chad Brewster is going to start working towards becoming a doctor; a doctor of all things--when last week he wouldn't even do his schoolwork.

But the best thing has to do with Manly. When he came to pick me up from school yesterday he acted so strange. He looked at me kind of funny and when I tried to hand off my bag to him our hands touched. My heart jumped as sparks zipped through my body. And he was staring at me. Manly was staring at me! When I finally got him to tell me what was wrong, he said I looked older. He barely spoke a word on the way home. It seemed like he looked right through me.

Ma and I talked last night and she told me I should let Almanzo pursue me. That sounds like good advice, assuming Manly really is interested. I just hope I don't do anything to change what I think is happening between him and me.

I'm not sure I always like growing up. When I was younger everything seemed so simple. I didn't need to worry about how I acted. I just did what I thought was right and if I got in trouble than an apology and a punishment made it all okay. But I'm too old for that now. My students look to me for advice. I have to have the answers to their questions. I must control my feelings and act proper. Mary has always been better at that than I. There are so many thoughts and emotions running through me and I don't know what to do. I'm too old to depend on Ma and Pa to give me the answers. I wish I didn't feel scared and unsure a lot of the time.

February 2, 1884

I don't have much time. I need to prepare my lessons for tomorrow. But I had to write down what happened today. Almanzo asked me to the church social! Pa didn't look too happy, but my heart did a tumble and my legs suddenly felt all wobbly. I don't even know how I managed to reply except that I remembered what Ma had said about letting him pursue me and I told him I would have to think about it. Pa smiled after that, and then Almanzo and I were on our way to Curry. Manly sure was quiet on the way there; like he was mulling something over. I can't wait until Friday so I can say yes to his invitation. Me going to the church social with Almanzo…I think I'm going to faint!

February 5, 1884

The strangest thing happened today. Manly showed up at the schoolhouse and punched Chad Brewster. He accused me of hugging him! Chad was just showing me how flexible the rib cage is and Almanzo threatened him.

I don't understand what could make Manly act that way. He was so angry. I've never seen him act like that, even when Bart Slater was picking on all of us at school. And boy did I let Almanzo have it. I called him Mr. Wilder and I told him he had a dirty mind. Now I'm sorry I spoke that way to him. I guess he won't take me to the social now.

February 8, 1884

My mind is filled with memories of last night. I can't believe this is happening to me. I keep thinking I'm going to wake up and it will all be a dream.

It started out as such an awful day. It was my sixteenth birthday and I was away from home. Minnie made me a cake the night before to celebrate, but it wasn't the same without Ma and Pa. The school children gave me a lovely pen, which was so sweet of them, but after that incident with Almanzo the other day I had trouble concentrating when I stood in the coat room. I kept seeing Almanzo's angry face and Chad flying across the room.

After I dismissed school, we all walked outside and Pa was waiting for me with his wagon. He said Almanzo figured Pa would want to pick me up because it was my birthday. But I knew that Almanzo just didn't want to see me. My heart sank into my boots--the boots I had bought just so I would look older for Almanzo.

On the way home, Pa and I talked about what happened between Chad and Almanzo and Pa told me that Manly knew he was wrong. I thought he might have been too embarrassed to pick me up from school. Pa reminded me of when Ma tried to make him jealous so that Pa would ask her to a dance. And that's when he told me he thought Almanzo might be in love with me. I couldn't believe it. I stopped breathing, hoping and praying that Pa was right. I couldn't wait to get home. Pa said Almanzo would be at the church social with his sister and I knew I had to talk to him.

When Ma, Pa, the kids, and I got to Nellie's, I didn't see Manly anywhere. I didn't feel much like dancing either, so I snuck into the kitchen. That's when I saw him--Almanzo sitting on the bench outside the kitchen door. We talked it all out. Manly sure seemed nervous. I really didn't even know what to say. It was like my mouth formed words I didn't even know my brain had been thinking.

Manly gave me the most beautiful peach shawl. I tied it around my neck and as we gazed into each other's eyes, I knew what Pa told me was true. Almanzo did love me, just as I loved him. Our lips touched and hot electric sparks ran through me. I've never felt that way before. Even though a slight breeze blew across my face, I felt on fire. I doubt a heavy rain would have provided any relief from the hot feelings inside me. I wonder if it was the same for him. I wanted to stay like that forever; gazing into his eyes and having him look at me in a way he had never looked at me before. I hoped he would always look that way when he saw me.

A few moments later, Manly and I joined everyone on the dance floor. Ma and Pa smiled when they saw us. We danced together all night long and then Almanzo drove me home. Ma had to drag Pa into the house so that Almanzo could say goodnight.

It looks like there will be a lot of changes in my life soon. I'm still scared and unsure most of the time, but I look forward to exploring new things with Manly. I feel like this is all happening to someone else…but I'm glad it's not.

May 30, 1884

My heart is very heavy as I write this. Things with Manly aren't going as planned. Up until now, our courtship has been more wonderful than I could have expected. He asked me to marry him and I accepted, but then things went terribly wrong.

I insisted he speak to Pa about us getting married right away. I knew how set Pa is on me waiting until I'm 18, but I thought Almanzo might be able to change his mind. I was foolish to forget how stubborn Pa can be. He told Almanzo we would have to wait and Manly stormed off for home.

The next day, Manly told me he was leaving Walnut Grove and that he wanted me to come with him. He made me choose between Pa and him. I explained I couldn't go right now and he left Walnut Grove the next day. I hope I made the right choice. It sure doesn't feel like it. I hope Manly comes back.

June 15, 1884

Manly hasn't come back. I don't even know where he is. I spend most of my time crying. Miss Wilder says I'm distracted at school. Every morning I walk over the bridge into town and gaze over at the Feed & Seed, hoping to see Manly loading sacks of grain from the platform. But he's never there and I don't think he'll ever come back.

June 30, 1884

Adam and I just got back from New York. Things seem pretty bad for the blind school. Adam's father died and there is no way for us to rebuild the blind school in Walnut Grove without his financial support. Seems his father was much deeper in debt than anyone knew and all his belongings will be auctioned off. After talking with his father's law partner in New York, we weren't sure what we would do about the blind school.

But, I found an abandoned courthouse in Sleepy Eye and if we can come up with the money, Mary and Adam can rent it for a blind school. Mr. Garvey and some others are going to pitch in and we'll see if we can cover the rent.

Ma told me that Almanzo hasn't come back. I guess he never really loved me at all. I would rather die than live my life without him.

July 1, 1884

I'm going to Sleepy Eye for two weeks to help Mary and Adam get the blind school ready. Ma got a great job offer from Mr. Oleson, so we'll be able to cover the rent. It will be good to be busy and away from Walnut Grove. I might not have time to think about Manly.

July 10, 1884

I saw Manly today. I was outside the courthouse looking for some soap when he showed up. He told me he lives in Sleepy Eye now. He's working at the General Store.

I didn't know what to say at first, but then we started talking. It was going well until he mentioned Pa. I got angry, he got angry. I don't things will ever be the same.

July 20, 1884

It's over between Manly and me. I saw him rubbing the back of some saloon girl on my way into Sleepy Eye this morning. I guess he needs that second job he's been working to pay for all the time he must spent at the saloon. I can't believe he enjoys the saloon. Pa wouldn't be happy if he knew.

My heart is broken into a million pieces. I thought Almanzo loved me, but it seems he didn't care any more about me than he did Christie Norton. I don't know how I'll move on. All I want to do is die.

July 25, 1884

Manly is so sick. I pray he'll be alright, but when I touched his skin he dripped with sweat from the hot fire of his fever. Pa brought me to Sleepy Eye to take care of him. Manly has pneumonia. He worked too hard trying to help us pay the rent for the blind school.

I'm ashamed that I judged Almanzo so harshly. He wasn't hanging out at the saloon, he was helping my family. Why didn't he tell me about the money?

I wish I knew what was going on with him and that saloon girl, but in a way it doesn't really matter. I've told Manly I loved him…no matter what. I don't know if he heard me, but if he did, I hope he still loves me too.

August 1, 1884

Almanzo and I are heading back to Walnut Grove. He's still weak, but with some rest he'll be back to working the farm again soon. Mary and Adam are grateful for his help, but now that the students are back and with Ma and Pa's help, the blind school should be able to survive on its own.

I was so scared I had lost Manly. I don't know what I would have done if he had died without knowing how I felt about him. I love him so much. It will be hard to wait two years to get married, but at least we'll be together. Nothing will ever separate us again.

August 7, 1884

Nellie Oleson got married today. Percival has changed her in so many ways. It's still strange when Nellie is nice to me; we've been enemies for so long. But I guess that's another thing about growing up I'll have to get used to--your old relationships change and take on a new meaning.

Almanzo is still not feeling his best, but another few days and he'll be back to work. It was nice to attend Nellie and Percival's wedding with Manly by my side. I caught the bouquet.

And then the most amazing thing happened--Pa told Almanzo that we would only have to wait one year to get married. We're both so happy. It's still a long time away, but with finding land and building a house, the months should pass quickly and we'll be married sometime next summer. I'm still too shocked to thank Pa.

April 30, 1885

Life is so exciting! Manly put a down payment on some land today. He drove me out there and showed me where he is going to build our home. I can't believe how quickly things are moving along. Before I know it, I'll be Mrs. Almanzo James Wilder.

Ju1y 15, 1885

Almanzo can be so stubborn. I guess I should have seen this coming after the way he acted when Pa told him we had to wait to get married, but this time it's even worse.

We lost the land Manly had bought from Mr. Gray. There's been a terrible drought and Mr. Gray dammed up the water supply, so all of Manly's crops died. It is heartbreaking after all the work he did. We had to postpone the wedding until we could find a way to buy more land.

Last month I had been chosen for a teaching position in Radner, but I wasn't going to take it because Manly and I were getting married. Well, this week I wired them to see if the position was still open and it was, so I took it. I explained to Almanzo that with the both of us working we would have the money we need even faster. But he forbade me to take it. Almanzo actually told me I couldn't accept the position because he would be the one providing the money we needed.

I don't know how Ma does it. How does she "obey" Pa? I'm not sure I can agree to "obey" anyone or anything but my own heart. I'm certainly not going to let Almanzo tell me whether I can teach or not. We're not even married yet. I worked hard for my teaching certificate and I am going to use it as long as I can.

August 10, 1885

Almanzo stopped by tonight. He said he wanted to talk, but all he wanted to do was try to get me to knuckle under to his demands.

I gave him back the ring and I'm going to move to Radner. Funny, I always thought being right would feel better.

August 24, 1885

I'm leaving for Radner tomorrow. I had held out hope that Manly and I could work things out, but it's hopeless. I guess love can't conquer some things.

The thought of moving makes my stomach sick. I'm miserable knowing I'll leave Ma and Pa, Carrie, Grace, and Albert to live in a strange place where nothing will feel like home. I doubt Mary felt this way when she decided to join Adam in Winoka. Of course she wasn't leaving behind the man she loved. If love is supposed to be so wonderful, why does it hurt so much?

August 25, 1885

Manly and I were married today. It all seems like a dream. I had boarded the stage for Radner and left behind all my hopes of marrying Almanzo on the platform of the Walnut Grove Post Office. I saw Almanzo standing on the bridge, staring out at the mill wheel spinning in the water. I wanted him to stop me from leaving and tell me that he loved me, but he just let me go. I was sure we would never see each other again.

About two hours later, a fast moving wagon forced the stagecoach to pull over and Manly jumped out. He told me Eliza Jane was moving to St. Louis to marry Harve Miller and that would leave the house and farm in Walnut Grove for us. I could teach in town and we could get married right away.

A haze of confusion filled my mind. He had told me I couldn't teach. But the fog lifted as soon as he professed his love to me and asked me to marry him. I hopped off the stage and we raced to pick up Eliza Jane in Walnut Grove and then headed to Sleepy Eye to tell Ma and Pa who were celebrating Mary and Adam's anniversary.

I couldn't believe it when Almanzo suggested getting married right then and there. It all happened so quickly. Pa found the preacher and Ma helped me get ready. Eliza Jane made a cake and we got married in the front room of the blind school. Manly and I promised to love, honor, and cherish each other. I knew I could never promise to "obey".

Manly is outside unhitching the team right now. I'm a ball of nervous anticipation. I don't know what to do or how I should act. But one thing I am sure of is, I am Mrs. Almanzo James Wilder--just like I told Ma I would be.


End file.
